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This blog is an ode to my second most favorite thing on earth.  We live in a modern society. Husbands and wives don't grow on trees, like in the old days. So where does one find love? When you're sixteen it's easy, like being unleashed with a credit card in a department store of kisses. There's the first kiss. The sloppy kiss. The peck. The sympathy kiss. The backseat smooch. The we shouldn't be doing this kiss. The but your lips taste so good kiss. The bury me in an avalanche of tingles kiss. The I wish you'd quit smoking kiss. The I accept your apology, but you make me really mad sometimes kiss. The I know your tongue like the back of my hand kiss. As you get older, kisses become scarce. You'll be driving home and see a damaged kiss on the side of the road, with its purple thumb out. If you were younger, you'd pull over, slide open the mouth's red door just to see how it fits. Oh where does one find love? If you rub two glances, you get a smile. Rub two smiles, you get a warm feeling. Rub two warm feelings and presto-you have a kiss. Now what? Don't invite the kiss over and answer the door in your underwear. It'll get suspicious and stare at your toes. Don't water the kiss with whiskey. It'll turn bright pink and explode into a thousand luscious splinters, but in the morning it'll be ashamed and sneak out of your body without saying good-bye, and you'll remember that kiss forever by all the little cuts it left on the inside of your mouth. You must nurture the kiss. Turn out the lights. Notice how it illuminates the room. Hold it to your chest and wonder if the sand inside hourglasses comes from a special beach. Place it on the tongue's pillow, then look up the first recorded kiss in an encyclopedia: beneath a Babylonian olive tree in 1200 B.C. But one kiss levitates above all the others. The intersection of function and desire. The I do kiss. The I'll love you through a brick wall kiss. Even when I'm dead, I'll swim through the Earth, like a mermaid of the soil, just to be next to your bones. The Archipelago of Kisses, by Jeffrey McDaniel. via Peonies and Polaroids Photo courtesy of this is glamorous
 Where do people go to when they die? Somewhere down below or in the sky? 'I can't be sure,' said Grandad, 'but it seems They simply set up home inside our dreams.' . words, Inside Our Dreams, by Jeanne Willis Image courtesy of Atilla1000 Rest in peace Uncle Ramon
"Conversely, the absolute absence of a burden causes man to be lighter than air, to soar into heights, take leave of the earth and his earthly being, and become only half real, his movements as free as they are insignificant." - The Unbearable Lightness of Being
The idea that lightness of being could be unbearable was introduced to me several years ago, when I first read the novel by Milan Kundera on the subject. My younger self at that time sided with Parmenides. Of course lightness is something positive. How can something positive be unbearable? How can the lightness/weight opposition be ambiguous as the author proposed? Then I grew up a little. Now, with more experienced eyes, I see the lightness of being from the other end of the spectrum. It is to be without; a state of lacking. Perhaps, even a state of apathy. It is to be without intent, motivation, feeling, or responsibility. When lightness exudes from unwanted freedom of purpose that presents a feeling of emptiness, then lightness can be conceived and felt as negative and unbearable. Realizing this state of without-ness, a new goal is being simultaneously: To be with something. - November 2008 I am without. It's been eating at me for quite some time now. I could feel myself deteriorate each time I force myself to get out of bed every morning while my mind struggles to find a reason why I should even bother. But since I am still half real, I still manage to go about the mundane things like waking up in the morning. Except I feel a need to have a reason for the mundane. - December 2008 I am weightless. My mind feels this but my body seems to operate against it. Normal tasks are excruciating when your body feels like solid steel. I have discovered that in a state of lacking, the weightlessness of a person's life force causes the body to feel heavier, as if gravity is forcing you to collapse to the ground, to bring yourself closer to the earth. There is nothing to hold you down in a state of without-ness. You are like a fallen leaf detached from a tree, fleetingly touching the ground once in awhile but never staying put. And this fallen leaf, without nourishment from the tree, dies eventually. It turns brown, dry, and crisp. Until one day, it falls to the ground and is crushed by some passing car or under a shoe, making fragile cracking sounds. - January 2009
I am becoming. In the process of pursuing somethingness, I am slowly becoming.
I say slowly this time for prior to my state of without-ness was my eager self who cannot wait for transformation. Since then, I have learned the hard way that in changing, direction is always more important than speed.
Around the time when I decided to pursue ‘something’, I have come to understand that the pursuit of somethingness is an enduring project. Although I understood it, I did not necessarily accept it. It’s easier and more comfortable for the mind to accept things analytically: I pursue. I achieve. I sustain. Maybe I’ll live happily ever after.
Don’t we all wish for the process to be that simple? For what is the point of chasing after something you can never have permanently? Or never have at all? If I for example, in my pursuit do not attain somethingness, then am I not stuck in my state of lacking? Then what is the point? Is there even a point?
When I realized that Somethingness is not an end product that the world has in store for me, it made me see that life and the world are not neatly organized as my younger self assumed them to be. The world is empty, life is empty, there is no rational justification, no certainty, and no coherence. This realization frightened me so much so that it led to feelings of without-ness, lightness of being, and even apathy.
Perhaps my realization that I cannot choose my future but only my actions are now causing some people to roll their eyes, but I honestly had certain expectations about life. Like, if I do A and B, then that should lead me to C. What I thought I knew was not really the case after all, and when A and B did not get me to C, I was burnt out.
Slowly and quite painfully, I am beginning to make out that the good of the pursuit lies in the possibility of it leading to continuous becoming. A becoming that is always open and therefore, unlimited.
Instead of pursuing a permanent state of somethingness, we are given a lifetime of continuous learning, a lifetime of new meanings, a lifetime of evolution. The narrative of the pursuit and becoming is not without its occasional struggles. It is not about achieving permanency of a pleasant existence which most of us go chasing after. And while there is no universal answer key, we must be willing to become despite of it. The constant pursuit of somethingness (finding meaning or purpose in life) is something we must encounter and engage through actually living. - August 2009
Image courtesy of lonely radio via Flickr.
A Wave 2.2 Production Kudos to my Wavemates! Grabe great job guys! Had so much fun! ..and congratulations to Heineken!
Things happen or don't happen regardless of whether we think they're supposed to happen or not. So what can we do? I have discovered that we just keep going anyways. We bring out our umbrellas. We grab our jackets. We adjust. Whining won't stop rain from happening, and rain isn't necessarily a bad thing. So I crawled back into bed, kissed my dear boy goodbye, and grabbed my rain paraphernalia before heading out for work. Yes, I'm back in the saddle. I'm taking another round. In doing this, I have decided to work on my disposition, which is to say that I'm trying to let go of my worry-myself-to-death-attitude. I guess its working since I've been feeling pretty good these past couple of weeks. I feel special, happy, and loved. There's so much to look forward to. Giddy yap!  Image courtesy of jenese via Flickr.
I seriously cannot wait for this movie to come out. First off, it stars Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Zooey Deschanel and, and it's a romantic comedy (but with an anti-fairytale twist, hence the title). (What? So I have a sentimental heart. Shoot me.) This is a movie depicting the points from ecstatic giddiness to crippling depression: thus, the typical structure of all failed relationships. It's about a love story before THE love story. "What? Its love. Its not Santa Claus." (500) Days of Summer
This is why we can bleed for a week and not die. Download this and other original video files with Multiply Premium.
Link: http:/ The blog is by one of my dearest girls who recently got bitten by an Ahas. She sucked the poison out of her system with so much grace and dignity. That's our girl, always with class even during her low points. Its such a terrible shame that some women are just the opposite. **I love you dear and I'm so proud of you.
 Cheers to youYou are nothing Yet Here's to your void and expectations Attempt To fulfill the unfulfilled Actualize and annihilate Possibilities I raise my glass to your state of nothingness Celebrate Consciousness of your condition and the burden of your being. P.S. To my lovelies, Operation Adopt-a-Friend is fully on for tonight. I can't wait to raise our glasses. I'm in serious need of lethal shooters. I know you guys are too. Cheers. Image courtesy of ^red_prune^ via Flickr.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?! Ang agang pang bwiset naman non.. I don't fucking get you. Ano ba? Are you hiding from someone? Are you protecting someone? COULD SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN IT TO ME? I can't fucking deal with it anymore kasi I don't even know what it is exactly I'm trying to deal with here. Do I have to be down on my knees and beg like a fool before you come out and explain things for me?? For fuck's sake...STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD. Have some balls please. Konting honesty naman coz I ain't playing games here.
Alternate Title1: Because I Have Too Much Time Alternate Title2: I am Sleep Deprived and I Have Nothing Better to Do Alternate Title3: Adrenaline Shot My Veins THREE NAMES THAT FRIENDS CALL YOU: 1. Leah/Lei/Leahlu 2. Mahal na Prinsesa (then I burst into a song, mala Enchanted.) 3. Aswang THREE MOST IMPORTANT DATES IN YOUR LIFE: 1. Sept. 23 (cos, duh.) 2. Feb. 3 '09 (double duh.) 3. All calendar dates following Feb. 3 '09 THREE THINGS YOU'VE DONE IN THE LAST 3 MINUTES: 1. Watched a video on Paulo C.'s blog 2. Printed something out 3. Typed some things here THREE WAYS TO BE HAPPY: 1. Take morning walks 2. Spend time with loved ones 3. Make the decision to be happy. THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU'RE LOOKING FOR IN A Guy: 1. Good bone structure 2. Puppy dog eyes 3. Basically, like this:  THREE PEOPLE YOU MISS RIGHT NOW: 1. I miss more than 3 people right now 2. ..but I'll be reunited with all of them 3. PRETTY SOON  THREE GIFTS YOU WOULD LIKE TO RECEIVE: 1. An awesome singing voice. 2. A Swedish bike. 3. A big, fat cheque from Bill Gates (right after I sing to him with my new awesome singing voice and he's just SO blown away, he'll give me a bazillion dollars.) THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES: 1. writing 2. going away 3. laughing my ass off THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO FOR VACATION: 1. ITAAAAAAAAALY!!!  2. Ilocos 3. New York THREE FAVORITE DRINKS: 1. Wine (merlot. zinfandel. blanc. red. cheap. vintage. Doesn't really matter, for me it represents lively conversations over dinner, friends, and LOL moments ) 2. Chai / Apple Juice (its a tie.) 3. Anything with vodka THREE THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG: 1. cellphone 2. wallet/pouch 3. hollow blocks THREE FAVORITE COLORS: 1. yellow 2. green 3. white TOP THREE HANGOUTS: 1. bahay ni marvs 2. bahay ni joey 3. bahay ni bianca TOP THREE U LOVE SO MUCH: 1. Loved ones 2. Nature 3. Life TOP THREE chocl8s: 1.70% dark choco 2.M&Ms peanuts 3.chocolate on tiramisu THREE "THINGS" SPECIAL TO YOU: 1. my journal 2. my library 3. a pair of earrings from Lola Jacing THREE FAVORITE FOODS.. 1. pasta 2. Whopper with cheese and large fries 3. anything spicy. (well..not ANYthing) THREE BEST FRIENDS (GIRLS) 1. Paulita 2. Shelita 3. Cris Aswang THREE BEST FRIENDS (BOYS) 1. Marvs 2. Jimmy Boy 3. Joeybabes TOP THREE FAVORITE SONGS 1. Ako ang Nagwagi 2. I'm So Excited 3. THREE THINGS YOU WEAR AS OF THE MOMENT. 1. tank top 2. pajama bottom 3. messy ponytail THREE THINGS YOU ARE EXCITED OF.. 1. My resurrection 2. Lots of hugging and screaming and laughing and pulling at each other  3. Life (La Vie en Rose!)
Single is Sexy daw. Well, duh. Is it just me o break-up season na naman? To my newly single friends, rumor has it that you guys are Sexy. If that's not a consolation, then I don't know what is. Pretty Power! Apir!  Please assemble your broken hearts  and collect your "I am Sexy and Single" cards from Pau. Now, if you will just follow me, the Burning Ceremony will commence in 10 minutes. Kindly gather all stuffed animals, letters, photos, and other significant flammable items from your no-longer-relationship, while I get my Ceremonial Torch and gallon of gas. Please be informed that bringing your ex to the said ceremony is optional. Why not? Flammable den naman siya diba? In other news, I haven't been sleeping well these past couple of days. That's not true. I haven't been sleeping AT ALL. My magic shoes are fully on.  My seems to be overly happy about this and has decided to throw a week-long party, and was even kind enough to invite my brain cells and hormones to the said festivities. As for me, I've been singing  "I'm so excited! and I just can't hide it!" non-stop while I jump around, waving hysterically...Then I drop dead, cos apparently, too much happiness can make you explode. Kill joy. I'll see you soon my lovelies!!! Photo by cherryblossomgirl.com
Before the end of today, please see this video.It was beautifully done by Benjamin Reece and Tung Bach Ly. Watch it. Spare 8 minutes of your time, then ask your self the same thing. Spare the world some worthless anxiety. _____________________ Before the end of the day… What do people want to happen? We all wish for happiness of some sort, for things we think that would bring us joy. I don’t know anyone who would wish for unhappiness. That being said, yes, I did consider the branded “emos”. We are all emos in a way anyway, if the term is to mean emotional: emotion being exclusive for us humans, a sort of privilege for us “feeling”-beings. So what do people want? What do we wish for? By design, these questions evoke responses related to what we feel or how we want to feel. A new car for example, can bring joy to its owner however fleeting. Within the day, we all wish for some spark of joy, a moment of peace and quiet, a period of calm, a state of all goodness. And why not? Life is too short to be spent in a melancholy race. Will you wish for a clean apartment? A Swedish model team with names like Natasha Sovlaski to come whisk you away? A lot of money? A dream job? Dinner cooked by someone else? To get married? To never get married? A 5-minute hug? Colorful underwear? What will make YOU happy today? Download this and other original video files with Multiply Premium.
I LOOOOOVE happy mornings! Woke up with a huge smile on my face, happy songs in my head, and prospects of a nice cup of breakfast tea, daydreams, and images such as these!! Oooh, happy day indeed! video by SEBASTIEN TELLIER - DIVINE Download this and other original video files with Multiply Premium.
Happy Chinese New Year! Tomorrow, we welcome the arrival of the Earth Ox. The Ox sign evokes practicality, stability, substance, and slow but steady progress. I like the message that this hardworking animal seems to bring at this time: 
I am hoping to put these in praxis. It's about time I charge ahead. More importantly, I am looking forward to eating Tikoy  and burning Chinese Wishing Paper tomorrow midnight!  it won't look as cool as this though I Chinese New Year!
I'm blue. No, really. I mean, I'm really blue. Not sad, just blue. I'm literally BLUE. Crayola Blue. Let me explain... I had an Obagi Blue Peel today. It's basically a chemical peel procedure that leaves off a bluish tint on your face, hence the name. So right now, apart from my mouth and the skin around my eyes, my entire face is in the loveliest shade of blue. BLUE! Like a practical joke. Aside from it being blue, it's also insanely expensive and burned like hell during application. This thing ought to work. So you see, I am ridiculously and humorously blue.
 On reading:"The best moments in reading are when you come across something - a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things - which you had thought special and particular to you. And now, here it is, set down by someone else, a person you have never met, someone even who is long dead. And it is as if a hand has come out, and taken yours." - Hector (The History Boys -film version)
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